Two people must die. Two people I really like must die. They are good people with big hearts – well, one is a hit man, but he has a soft spot for our protaganist. it’s part of the plot; it will move the main character forward into the chaos she needs in order to expand. But killing off these two characters is killing me. It won’t happen at once but it will absolutely happen.
The novel is only just taking shape. For some reason screenplays are much easier to pen. But that is not the point. I’m struggling through the events. Once I remove these characters from the book my protagonist will be left with no one – and she is only a little girl – for now. They are her guardian angels in life and they must go. After that, she will be left with nothing to guide her. It will precipitate the next leg of her journey and transform her into the end result person – the one at the end of the book who takes stock of what life is and how events come into being and possess us so fully without our control.
It must be organic, of course as everything must be, but one never knows how death is perceived. The new characters coming in are not that charitable – indeed – they have more malevolent natures. And yet, there they are – stomping inside my head, pushing from the inside of my brain and practically strangling me while I think.
And now I’m thinking that life may just come down to that – the decision to embrace either good or evil. Can it possibly be that simple? Don’t we all need our dark sides in order to survive? Perhaps we are rendered immobile by the acceptance of our ability to embrace rage and malice as solutions. Nietzsche’s explanation of “will to power” makes more sense than the nadir of moral consciousness that serves as our touchstone for truth and “goodness”. Untruth is a condition of life and evil – I can tell you for a fact – is real.